“If you feel safe in the area that you’re working in, you’re not working in the right area. Always go a little further into the water than you feel you’re capable of being. Go a little bit out of your depth, and when you don’t feel that your feet are quite touching the bottom, you’re just about in the right place to do something exciting.”
David Bowie
A month ago, I decided I needed to go a little deeper into my career. I wanted more room to grow, more opportunities to make an impact with my work. An opportunity came up, and I took it.
Within a day or two of starting my new role, I felt like I was drowning. I had a ton of work, so much to learn, and a huge responsibility with major consequences if I messed up.
A few days later, I was in a one-hour, virtual meeting with an important customer. By the halfway point, I began to zone out. I had no idea what people were talking about. I started to panic, and I felt the urge to shut off my computer and cry. I managed to make it through to the end, but I was convinced I had made a huge mistake and was ready to quit.
Normally, I blog about experiences in retrospect, so I have the benefit of knowing that things came out OK.
I started writing this post weeks ago. I thought by the end of the month, I would once again be smiling into my rear-view mirror. But I’m not OK. I still feel overwhelmed. I still have a lot of self-doubts. I’m still scared.
However, I’m gradually starting to feel better thanks to a few important decisions I’ve made along the way.
Work-life balance is a choice, not an obligation. I’ve written a lot about all of the different activities I’ve become immersed in over the past year or so–blogging, Aikido, Spanish lessons, etc. Soon after I entered my new role, I felt like the life I had built was falling apart. If I kept all of those other commitments, I would never be able to catch up on my work and would feel like a failure. But if I put in the time I needed to at work, I would feel guilty about all of the other things I’d have to sacrifice.
My solution was to give myself permission to let my life be out of balance for a while. Not only did I have more work, but I had to learn how to do it. That takes time. Once I made this decision, I could just tell people I might not be around as much as I used to be. They were all very understanding, which took away a lot of the pressure. Now I can put in the extra time and hopefully, at some point soon I’ll feel like I know what I’m doing and can get it done faster.
I don’t have to know everything. In my old role, I often felt like I could follow my instincts and I’d be able to produce quality work. Now, not only do I have a lot to learn, but I’ve been afraid that if I admit to some of the things I don’t know, people will think I’m not qualified for my job. This is a classic case of “impostor syndrome.”
But I’ve decided I’d be better off asking for help than pretending I don’t need it. And every time I asked someone for assistance, I left the conversation feeling a little more confident and self-sufficient.
I also learned that there were some things I simply wasn’t expected to know. For example, in that meeting that sent me into a panic, there were plenty of experts on the subject matter. My function wasn’t to be an expert on the topic but to set the agenda and make sure we accomplished what we set out to do by the end of the meeting.
This realization was a huge relief. By leaving some responsibilities in other people’s capable hands, I started to become more comfortable carrying my own load.
Quitting is always an option. Although it can be difficult to try something new, I often find it even harder to stop. Whether it’s a job, a relationship, or some kind of volunteer work; the more I put into it, the more I feel like I need to keep going even if I’m no longer enjoying myself.
This notion is sometimes referred to as the “sunk cost fallacy,” the idea that once you’ve invested money (or time or emotion or something else of value) into something, it would be a waste to let it go.
I’ve already sacrificed a lot by taking on this role. But if I keep pouring myself into my work and things don’t get better, it would be much like continuing to bet money on the same number on a roulette wheel even though I keep losing. Sometimes the best way to stop losing is to walk away.
I’ve heard that it typically takes about 90 days to transition into a new role. I’m still not convinced that I’m in the right place, but I’m beginning to feel a bit more optimistic. I hope that by the time I’ve reached that three-month milestone, I’ll feel more in control of both my work and my life.
If not, I think Mr. Bowie would have understood if I decided to towel myself off and find a new place to swim.
If you’ve gone through a significant career change, how did you feel when you started and how did it turn out? If you’re thinking about making such a change, what can you do to improve your chances of success?
You are in a very difficult position. My rule has always been: Go with your gut. I do think at this point your gut is in turmoil. I’m glad that you have given yourself permission to ask for help and that you don’t have to know everything. I’m also pleased that you feel you can walk away if you can’t make it work after 90 days. It sounds like you have been finding positives in the new position but are they enough to keep you going without causing “gut problems?” Time will tell. Best of luck.
I’m impressed that you have been able to develop the insight and understanding of the situation so quickly. You now have a timeline plan and much better understanding of your role.
Since I am not a reflective person, I didn’t give much thought to jobs. I am retired now and can pursue different avenues of interest. I had two jobs and was a a caregiver for decades. I was fortunate that many of my colleagues became close friends and we could have fun. One fellow university professor gave me an “Instant Job Stress Eliminator.” I have shared this with others and still read it from time to time.
I do a good job because I enjoy doing a good job and I want the benefits that come from doing a good job.
I motivate myself by creating and maintaining a clear picture of my objectives being successfully accomplished.
I “stay off my own back” for not doing things better, more or faster.
I separate “who I am” from “what I do,” so I never take criticism personally, even if it was intended that way.
I realize that I have always done the best I could with the time, energy, capabilities and awareness I had to work with.
I focus my attention on patiently doing the most important things first, one at a time, without worry about what hasn’t been done.
Brad, you are creating your own personal mantra about work. It takes courage to terminate a job and intelligence to know that the position may not work for you. Giving the job a little time will help you with your decision. I agree that work-life balance is not always possible. I think that work is my life since I spend the majority of my time working or getting ready for work. No one knows everything and since you are new on the job, it is not even expected. You have to learn about the company, personalities, operations, etc. You may have been hired because the interviewers saw strengths that at the company was lacking. I always thought it would be interesting to get inside of the heads of the interview panel to know why you were hired. At any rate, you will know what course of action to take and know when it is time to go into deeper into that water. You may just need a different type of water to tread in. David Bowie would understand.