This entry marks the 39th consecutive time I’ve released a new “Trying New Things” post on the first of the month.
In one sense, this is cause for celebration. Being this consistent for this long is an impressive feat.
But I also have a history of sticking with things long past their expiration date.
For example, I joined Toastmasters International with a specific goal in mind: to get past my fear of delivering presentations at work. I achieved that goal after a year. Yet I continued to participate in the organization for another decade.
One day, after I delivered a speech to my club, another member asked me, “Are you enjoying yourself?”
I realized I wasn’t. After several weeks of deliberation, I finally decided to quit.
This is a question I need to be able to ask myself. I’ve shown the same blind devotion to other struggles, from taking Spanish lessons with marginal improvement to maintaining toxic friendships. Each time I sever one of these commitments, I wonder why it took so long.
After over three years, I’ve finally asked myself whether I still enjoy writing for this blog.
For the most part, the answer is, “no.”
Regardless of how the posts turn out, recently, writing them has felt a lot like being back in school and cramming for an exam I’m not prepared to take. I may have an idea floating in my head for weeks, but as with this post, I usually do the bulk of the writing on the last day or two before the scheduled release. It creates a lot of unnecessary pressure and I often end up short-changing both the quality of my content and my sleep.
I know I’m better at follow-through when I have some structure in place: a deadline, a streak I’m trying to maintain, an accountability partner. But while these mechanisms are helpful for things I need to do, they shouldn’t be necessary for things I want to do.
A famous quote–I failed to find a definitive source–goes something like, “If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they’re yours; if they don’t, they never were.”
The same can be said about writing. If I truly love it, I shouldn’t have to force it.
After this post, Trying New Things will be free from deadlines, from accountability, from any sense of obligation.
I look forward to seeing what I do with that freedom.
Congrats on listening to your inner voice.
“To thine own self be true.” Although I love reading your posts I will love them more in the future knowing it’s done out of a sense of enjoyment rather than obligation. Thanks for your enlightenment.
I agree with your new plan to publish when you have something that you want to share. Bi- monthly or quarterly or even twice in a month if an interesting idea or issue needs to be shared. I have enjoyed you previous posts immensely.
Learning to let go of some things is healthy. I also have a history of staying with some things way too long. I’ve enjoyed your previous posts and will look forward to more if you feel like writing them. It should be more fun to write if you don’t have a schedule.