It’s time to wake up

Saturday, October 16, 2021:

I just got back from a two-week trip. The first week was my vacation: I explored Grand Teton and Yellowstone National Park with my family. The second week, I worked remotely from an Airbnb surrounded by fall colors, snow, and spectacular mountains.

During my time off, I felt more energized than I have in probably two years. Within half a day of being back on the job, I was ready to go back to bed. My plan had been to go out and explore every day after work. After all, I was paying for the experience of being in a different atmosphere, closer to nature. Instead, I didn’t set foot outside once during my work week until the final night before my flight home, when I went to a bar to watch a baseball game. The rest of the time, I was either working or lying down.

I have explored almost every facet of my life for ways to improve my quality of life. But throughout that time, I have neglected to resolve the one area that has been a consistent problem: sleep.

I’m usually tired. Lately, I’ve blamed it on the fact that I typically start work between 5 a.m. and 5:30 a.m. But I was tired even when I worked “normal” hours.

I’ve also attributed my fatigue to depression. I still haven’t ruled that out, but until I develop healthier sleep patterns, I’ll never know.

It’s hard to gauge, but I think I need about eight hours of sleep per night. I also know that in order to train my body, it’s best to go to bed at the same time and get up at the same time every day. I’ve chosen to wake up at 4:30 a.m. so I have time to get ready for work, and go to bed by 8:00 p.m. so I have time to fall asleep.

As I write this, doubts immediately spring forth in my mind:

But what if I can’t fall asleep by 8:30? Get up at 4:30 anyway, and force yourself to stay awake until bedtime. You should have an easier time falling asleep the next night.

But what if I have a meeting before 5 a.m.? Don’t. Your colleagues are aware that you’ve had to change your entire schedule to accommodate them. Set some boundaries.

But I have commitments that go past 8 p.m. Where possible, see if you can negotiate an earlier start time. Otherwise, tell them you have to leave early.

But the playoffs are on. Find a way to record them, or accept the fact that you’ll learn the outcome in the morning.

If I want to fix my sleep problem, I’ll have to make sacrifices and compromises. But if giving some things up for better sleep will help me feel better when I’m awake, it’s worth it.

What follows is my daily sleep log.

Sunday, October 17: I filled my water bottle, set it on my nightstand, and went to bed a few minutes before 8. I listened to the baseball game on the radio for a few minutes, discovered it was tied in the 9th inning, tried to convince myself I didn’t care, and shut it off. It took me a bit to get comfortable but I think I fell asleep by 8:30. When my alarm went off at 4:30, my first instinct was to grab my phone and check my work calendar to see how much time I had before my first meeting. Then I realized, it’s Sunday; I have no meetings. This would normally be followed by hitting the “snooze” button and going back to sleep, but I resisted. I took a few gulps of water and pushed myself out of bed. A few minutes later, I wrote this entry. As I’m wrapping up, most of the initial grogginess is gone and I’m just trying to figure out what to do with all this extra morning.

Monday, October 18: I went to bed on time, was awakened in the middle of the night as my room got very cold, struggled to get back to sleep, but still pushed myself out of bed on time. I felt lousy throughout my workday but forged ahead to the end of my last meeting. Then I took about a 45-minute nap, which helped. I had my Aikido class in the evening and my sensei helped ensure I left early as we had arranged. I enjoyed being able to come home and unwind for half an hour before going to bed.

Tuesday, October 19: I woke up at 4:30 with foot pain that nagged me all day. I took a flight to visit my family and hobbled through the airport using my suitcase as a crutch. I figured I must have injured myself between the Aikido and the subsequent bike ride. I still went to bed on time, but I found it hard to sleep because of foot pain and allergies.

Wednesday, October 20: I woke up on time, made a doctor’s appointment, and found out I had gout. I received a soft cast and medication, which helped me sleep better, although my allergies were still bugging me.

Thursday, October 21: I still haven’t missed a day of keeping my schedule despite the pain and allergy disruptions. I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to waking up while it’s still pitch black outside, but it is nice to ease into my morning instead of rolling out of bed and immediately into my office chair. I’ve been fairly low on energy but still lucid and haven’t felt compelled to take a nap like I used to.

Friday, October 22: I’m still sticking to my sleep schedule. I felt pretty focused throughout my workday and finished promptly at 2:30 p.m. Normally I feel like I need to work more because I wasn’t productive enough due to being sleepy, but this time I was able to step away from the computer guilt-free. I flew home and got back to my place just in time for bedtime.

Saturday, October 23: I don’t think it’s allergies anymore. I went to sleep on time but woke up at about 1 a.m. feeling like I had cement in my lungs. I had taken a COVID test about a week prior, so I don’t think it’s that, but these aren’t my usual allergy symptoms.

Sunday, October 24: I went to bed at 8 and again woke up coughing at about 1 a.m. I was up for an hour, then went back to sleep until 7:15.

Monday, October 25: I went to bed at 8, woke up at 4:30, attended a couple of meetings while communicating via chat, and took some naps between meetings. I can barely talk. I emailed my doctor and explained my symptoms. He said it was likely viral laryngitis, that antibiotics wouldn’t help at this point, and that I should just ride it out.

Tuesday: October 26: I had gone to bed at 8 but couldn’t fall asleep until almost 10, probably because of the naps. I woke up at some point in the middle of the night, still set alarm for 4:30 and then napped until my 6:00 meeting. I couldn’t talk at all so I used the chat function when I had something to say.

Wednesday, October 27: I again went to bed on time, woke up in the middle of the night, and extended my alarm to 5:30 a.m. I went out for coffee at 6:30 am and found it disorienting that it was still dark out. I worked a 14-hour day due to meetings with a brief nap in the middle.

Thursday: October 28: I woke up coughing during the night, but I still woke up again at 4:30. I stared into the blackness outside my window, and felt very alone. I worked much of the day, realized I had more meetings starting at 5 p.m., and dozed on the couch until it was time to get back on my computer.

Friday, October 29: This was the first time I didn’t wake up coughing since last Friday, but I was still exhausted. I didn’t have many meetings and since I had worked more than 12 hours each of the past two days, I treated myself to an easy day. I left early to write at a bar patio, came home, had a virtual hangout with my friend, still went to bed at 8, and then couldn’t fall asleep for a couple of hours because my congestion was driving me nuts. I decided not to set my alarm.

Saturday, October 30 / Sunday, October 31: I stopped worrying about the time and just decided I was going to sleep as much as I needed to until I recovered.

My experiment didn’t work out as well as I had hoped. I only lasted six days before my sleep schedule started to slip. But considering I had gout, viral laryngitis, and spent several days sleeping in a different bed, I’m still impressed with what I was able to accomplish.

Once I feel better, I plan to pick up where I left off. I also ordered a lamp that’s supposed to simulate sunlight. I’m hoping this will help 4:30 a.m. feel a little less post-apocalyptic. If I can wake up on 8 hours of sleep every day and feel like it’s morning, I’m hoping that will translate to a more focused and productive workday and more energy to enjoy my time outside of work. Time will tell.