One of the trends I’ve noticed in my blog posts is that I tend to “dabble” in self-improvement. Many of my experiments last no longer than a month before I move on to the next one.
I’m perpetually looking for new ways to manage my work, my time, and my things. I got lost in the woods in Yosemite, so I spent a month trying to become more mindful of my surroundings. I got sick of talking about writing a novel without taking action, so I cranked out 50,000 words last November.
I still struggle every day with getting things done, budgeting my time, and conquering clutter. My internal compass is still defective. I’ve barely touched my novel since November.
Some people say there’s no such thing as failure, that as long as you learn from it, you’re a step closer to success. But all failure can teach you is what not to do the next time. And there’s only so much trial and error I can tolerate before I run out of patience.
What I need to pay more attention to is what I can learn from my successes.
Why is it that some habits and commitments stick when so many others haven’t?
In this post, I intend to find out.
Over the past ten months, I’ve been very consistent in showing up and working out at the gym three times per week. I consider this a huge breakthrough. I’ve tried building up a gym habit off and on for decades, but this is the most dedicated I’ve been. I want to understand why.
Below, I’ll deconstruct this habit and identify some of the conditions I believe have helped push me to keep going. Then, hopefully, I can recreate those conditions in future endeavors and have a better chance at success.
A good mentor
I’m currently working with a personal trainer, but I’ve had several others in the past. With some, I showed up, they gave me some cookie-cutter workout plan, and they watched me while I performed the exercises. Beyond that, they’d do little more than push me to perform a few more repetitions than I’d normally do by myself.
I quit working with trainers like that after a few sessions.
The trainer I have now is one of the few I’ve really enjoyed. He’s good at his job and cares about his clients. He’s generous with his time, knowledgeable, and patient. Best of all, he listens to me and tailors his advice to my specific needs. If I have trouble targeting a certain muscle area, or if joint pain interferes with my range of motion, he’ll do research and make adjustments until we find a better way.
Accountability
Even when my trainer has been subpar, the act of setting an appointment with them was usually enough to motivate me to show up. If I ever had second thoughts, the fact that I was paying them for their time usually stopped me from cancelling.
A designated location
One of my favorite trainers had his own gym, but I could only use it for our appointments. Since I didn’t have a gym membership, between training sessions, I resorted to working out at home. I had plenty of equipment, including a set of dumbbells, a pullup bar, and exercise bands. But I lacked the discipline and focus to be consistent when I wasn’t with my trainer.
I chalk this up, at least in part, to not having a designated space for working out. My home wasn’t just a gym. It was also where I slept, ate, worked, watched TV, played games, and a slew of other activities. There were too many distractions and temptations.
But with a gym membership, I gain access to a building that only has one purpose: getting in shape. All I have to do is walk there and the closer I get, the more driven I am to keep going.
A sustainable schedule
If I had to get up extra early every morning to work out, I’d choose to sleep in.
If I had to wait until after 5:00 p.m. to go to the gym, I’d have to deal with everyone else who gets off work at that time and would spend half my time waiting for equipment to be available.
Instead, I have a job that starts early and I’m typically done by around 2 p.m. I want to get out the door as quickly as I can so I can beat the crowd.
A reasonable time commitment
Every trainer I had gave me a program to work on between our training sessions. Unfortunately, most of these trainers seemed to subscribe to the philosophy that everyone wants to see massive results in a short amount of time. They’d give me lengthy workout plans that I had to follow 4-6 times per week. Sometimes I’d spend hours trying to get through one session. Or worse yet, I’d rush it and injure myself. Either way, I’d get discouraged and eventually stop showing up.
Now I work out three times per week and am usually done within about an hour. This is frequent enough where I don’t lose momentum, but not so frequent that I feel I’m spending all of my time at the gym.
Better each day
One of the biggest differences between my approach to working out this time and past efforts is patience. I’ve always been what’s referred to as a “hard gainer.” I feel like I do all of the right things to build muscle (short of taking performance-enhancing drugs) and yet almost everyone around me at the gym looks bigger than me.
I’d set goals like “I want to be built like Michael Phelps” or “I want to gain 20 pounds of muscle.” Then I’d obsessively check my progress in the mirror and get frustrated that I wasn’t seeing more dramatic changes.
Now I just try to trust the process and improve each day. I might go for an extra repetition or two. I might add a little more weight. Or I might just concentrate harder on my form.
After ten months, I’m nowhere near a Michael Phelps physique. But I look better, I feel better, and I know I’m doing something good for myself. That’s enough for me.
A template for life?
While each of the conditions I’ve described has helped me keep up my workout habit, no single component is enough. I can have a great mentor but still fail if I try to work out at home. I can join a gym but stop showing up if my workout routine is too overwhelming or I hurt myself. It’s the combination of these and other elements that keeps me going.
Based on my recent workout success, I’ve come up with the following questionnaire to follow the next time I want to make a new commitment:
Where can I find a good mentor to help me and hold me accountable? Do I want to pay someone? Can I join a class or support group? Will a book or online service suffice?
What space can I designate for this pursuit? Is it realistic to go somewhere outside my home? If not, can I carve a space within my home that’s solely for this purpose?
What time of day can I commit to that won’t clash with other commitments?
How often do I need to work on this habit to maintain it? How much time can I commit to feel like I’m making progress without burning out?
What small change can I make each day to fuel my progress?
What big commitments have you been able to stick to in your life? How can you build from that success to tackle other challenges in your life?
Great observations and great advice. The concept of “buying into” something rings true for me. When I held parent groups with free everything (speaker, child care, food) few people showed up. When there was even a nominal fee more people “bought into it” and attended. I think financially buying into an activity is, as you say, only part of the picture. You have to feel you’re getting some ongoing benefit to stick with it. I think you’re on the right track. It’s always more difficult to generalize a success to other situations but I think you have the right idea. Keep it up!