My distraction from ADHD

Although I find potential solutions to the challenges I pose in my blog, I often find it hard to commit to those solutions long term, so the problems persist. This is partly because a lot of these problems are symptoms of a deeper, unresolved issue: my mental health.

It’s difficult to write about this topic and even more uncomfortable to do so in a public forum. But for those who share some of my struggles, or know someone who does; I want to show that it’s OK to talk about this, and it’s OK to seek help. I also want to hold myself accountable to get the help I need.

I’ve been able to identify three mental health disorders that have made my life more difficult: ADHD, anxiety, and mild depression. I’ve worked to manage these disorders with professional guidance, but it’s been a long and complex process.

Tackling my symptoms has often felt like trying to play whack-a-mole while blindfolded.

First, different people respond differently to different treatments. A certain medication might solve one problem only to exacerbate another: I may find I’m getting a lot more done during the day but I can’t sleep at night.

Second, many of the symptoms I grapple with–lack of focus, disorganization, clutter, overwhelm, poor sleep, fatigue, hypersensitivity, and so on–can stem more than one of these disorders. Am I distracted because of ADHD, depression, anxiety, or all of the above? If I only treat one disorder, or if I don’t find the right treatments, I might never know.

Fortunately, after years of failed experiments, recent therapy and medications have helped me control two major problems. My overall mood has been much better, and my social anxiety has become much less debilitating. Being properly treated for anxiety and depression gave me the capacity to adjust my thoughts and behavior to the point where I could function well without meds.

However, even after a renewed commitment to exercise, healthy eating, and reduced alcohol intake; most of the other symptoms persist, including poor focus and low energy.

While my therapist helped me over at least two major hurdles, she openly admits she’s not an expert in ADHD. Even once I tested for and was officially diagnosed with the disorder, her ability to help was mostly limited to prescribing different medications and asking me how I felt. But despite the lack of past success, there are other methods and drugs out there. And with my depression and anxiety apparently under control, ADHD seems to be where I need to focus now if I want to function better.

After three years of seeing this same therapist, she recently left her practice. It was only through this forced change that I finally realized it was time to try something different. I’m now looking into other providers and trying to further educate myself by reading about ADHD.

It may seem ironic that my blog is all about trying new things, yet one of my biggest problems is that I’m easily distracted. But trying new things isn’t just about dabbling in as many different experiences as possible. It’s about giving yourself the opportunity to discover those experiences that bring you joy and a sense of fulfillment so you can spend more time doing those things.

However, it’s hard to find joy and fulfillment if you don’t know what works best with how your brain functions. And it’s hard to commit to making positive changes while wrestling with distraction, fatigue, and other issues. I hope that the more I learn about my ADHD, the better I’ll understand what comes naturally to me and what I may not be able to accomplish without help. And by knowing what I’m wired to do well and having the tools to manage the rest, I’ll be in a better position to create and commit to a well-designed life.