My endless journey towards Spanish fluency

I want to be fluent in Spanish.

I fantasize about what it would be like to live in a Spanish-speaking country for a while, to sit in cafe or bar and chat with people about life. I imagine connecting with Spanish speakers in my own neighborhood who are shocked and delighted that I can talk to them in their native language. I wonder if being bilingual would change the way I think and feel and see the world.

I hated Spanish class in school. My teachers spent all of their time cramming vocabulary and verb conjugations into my head and assigning written exams to test my knowledge. I don’t remember ever getting the chance to carry on an actual conversation.

Long after graduation, I talked about wanting to be able to communicate in Spanish, but I did little about it.

Then COVID came along, and like many people, I decided to use my time in isolation towards self-improvement. I found a Spanish tutor and began meeting with him online for an hour per week. Sometimes he’d come up with a lesson, and other times we’d just chat for an hour. I was impressed by his knowledge, his creativity, and his patience. Yet after over two years of meeting almost every week, I barely felt like I was getting anywhere.

I didn’t blame my tutor. I blamed myself for not taking the time to practice between lessons.

My 30-day Spanish challenge

This past month, I decided it was time to step it up. Since it would be impractical to meet with a speaking partner daily, I would practice by myself. My 30-day goal was simple: every day, I’d speak Spanish for 15 minutes and listen to Spanish for 15 minutes.

The listening part went fairly well. While I didn’t practice daily, I did most days. I listened to music in Spanish. I watched popular American TV shows with Spanish dubbing. I downloaded the Spanish audiobook of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, one of my favorite books as a kid, and listened to it during long walks.

My speaking practice was another story: I spoke Spanish maybe three days out of the entire month.

I did, however, practice in other ways. I used Duolingo daily for at least 5 minutes, and I started using a flash card app to help me learn vocabulary.

Mission impossible?

Although I put in more time than usual, I didn’t feel much better about my progress towards fluency. I began to wonder if it was really worth my time and energy to keep studying Spanish.

I questioned how realistic my dream was. I claim that knowing another language will open doors to new friendships, but I have a hard enough time making new friends who speak my native language. Am I suddenly going to become more outgoing if I learn Spanish?

Besides, what does it really mean to be fluent, and how will I know when I get there? When I decided to hike to the top of Half Dome in Yosemite, I could literally see my goal getting closer with every step. But with a goal like Spanish fluency, it’s much harder to measure progress. There’s no summit. I won’t wake up one day and realize I’m fluent. It’s just one, long, arduous climb; and every new, unfamiliar word torments me like a pebble in my boot.

Abandoning the climb

I remember hearing some advice from a YouTube personality who’s an expert in language learning: rather than always trying to actively learn a language, sometimes it’s best to let the language wash over you through repeat exposure.

As I thought about this, I realized I tended to enjoy Spanish most when I stopped trying so hard and just had fun with it.

When I started listening to the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory audiobook, for instance, I would get hung up on all of the words I didn’t understand. But gradually, I learned to just listen to the narrator, admiring the way he navigated between different voices for the different characters and laughing as he sang the “Oompa Loompa” songs that followed each child’s departure. When I let go, I had a lot more fun, and because I was already familiar with the story, I usually had a general idea of what was happening.

Similarly, my initial approach to Duolingo made it feel more like a chore than a game. The streak counter motivated me to complete at least one lesson every day. The lesson timer made me feel like I was racing against the clock, then rewarded me with words of encouragement. The point system propelled me to cram in extra lessons so I wouldn’t lose my position on the “leader board.”

But when I let these mechanisms control how I use the app, I’m sacrificing quality for quantity. I’ll encounter a fill-in-the-blank prompt and read the bare minimum number of words required to figure out the answer. When I instead slow down, I get exposed to the full sentence, which will help me learn to speak in full sentences and pick up more vocabulary along the way. I know I enjoy reading novels more when I take my time than when I attempt to speed read. The same goes for language learning.

I’m not in school anymore. I’m not doing this for a grade or some other sense of obligation. I don’t know if and when I’ll be able to say I’m fluent in Spanish. But if I can stop worrying about how fast I’m progressing and just enjoy myself, I’m much more likely to be consistent. And with enough exposure, maybe someday I’ll find out I actually can carry on a meaningful conversation in Spanish.

Next month (sneak preview)

While Spanish fluency would be nice, it’s only a piece of my greater quest to find more fulfillment in my personal and professional life. I want to take a step back and try to examine the bigger picture. With that in mind, next month’s trial will involve my third attempt at working through a book called Designing Your Life . . .